I’m probably one of the shiest, non-confrontation people you’ll ever meet. I’m quiet, socially awkward and, all round, a bit weird. I put on an air of relax and confidence but in reality I am painfully aware of my own shortcomings and that I stress too much about little things. It’s not a disease, it’s not something to cry about, it’s just how my brain works and for 24 years I’ve learned to live with that. One of the few things that lets me exit this bubble of worry is professional wrestling. It’s been an escape since I was about eight. Although when I was eight the only worry I would have is if I would get a shiny in my next pack of Pokémon cards or if I could beat the next level of Crash Bandicoot or if I can tape the Top 40 without them blasted DJs speaking over the songs. As I grew older and had more and more things to worry about like school, work, driving lessons, bills, the usual trials and tribulations with growing up, I started to watch wrestling to take my mind off things. For that moment I wasn’t sitting in my living room, I was there. I was drawn into the plot, the action and the story. Sure the worries are still there but for that moment they are gone. Wrestling has always and will always be there for me.
Now this isn’t a post that is made for people to feel sympathy or break out the tiny fiddles, it’s a post that’s been in my head for a while and started to kick and scream to be written down after reading the Snapmare Necks article about Wrestling with Depression. I will note now that this is not depression, nor would I ever claim to be depressed and to say that I have it without proof would be a mockery of those who suffer every day.
Around this time last year I was at a personal low. I didn’t show it, I didn’t even tell people but being stuck in hospital with a broken elbow, a relationship that was all but dead, being broke (literally and figuratively) and feeling pretty worthless, it was all falling apart. One of the things that kept me going, other than my parents (they are the best people), was wrestling. I had a goal to work towards while I lay there, Hell for Lycra was on the 24th and I wasn’t missing it for anything. The other thing that kept me going was the support of friends, the majority of whom I met through wrestling. By support I don’t mean being a shoulder to cry on but just simple things like a cheeky comment on one of my photos that makes me smile. Never discount the little things.
The last 12 months have been phenomenal but there is still the odd day where I feel down, it happens, the stresses pile up and I’m about ready to explode. I think it happens to everyone though, I can’t be alone in this. It annoys me to feel like that because I am lucky, I have parents that love me, I have great people in my life that I can call friends, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I’m doing what I love and that is talking about wrestling, I’m on the radio (www.waveradio.org.uk), I’m building OSWtv to be part of something bigger. This isn’t bragging, it’s hitting home to me that I should look at the bigger picture. All this stress now will be all worth it to feel the satisfaction of making it and living the dream.
Some things I’ll always keep inside and won’t talk about. Mainly because, if I start, it’ll turn into a rant and nobody wants, nor needs, to hear it.
Some people won’t even know that they have helped me over the years. It really is about little things and how even the smallest gesture can help in the biggest way.
I have no idea how to end this post. So here’s me in a wrestling mask and wearing a hat.