12 Reviews of Christmas: ICW 5th Annual Square Go! Match

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On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ICW 5th Annual Square Go! Match, WrestleZone Aberdeen Anarchy 2015WrestleZone Battle of the Nations 2014WrestleZone Regal Rumble 2015PBW Academy Attack 5WrestleZone Christmas Chaos (Comes Early!)W3L Remedy 2017ICW Fear & Loathing XICW Appetite for Destruction and WrestleZone Battle of the Nations 2015.

On Sunday January 24th 2016, ICW headed to The Barrowlands in Glasgow for the 5th Annual Square Go!, with the winner earning a shot at the ICW World Heavyweight Championship whenever they want. This review will be focusing on the Square Go! Match alone, but you can read Billy’s review here if you want a rundown of the other matches.

Joe Coffey entered at number 1 before Big Damo revealed himself as the second entrant. The Beast Belfast was stopped by security on his way down the ramp as ICW Majority Owner Red Lightning came out to say that Damo wasn’t entering the match and that if he didn’t go back through the curtain, he would be fired immediately. Replacing him as the second man to enter was ICW Catchweight Champion and apparent Black Label member Lewis Girvan. From this point forward, more bodies kept entering the ring as Trent Seven, Sir Andrew Wilde, Solar and Soldato all came in. It wasn’t until entrant 7 Dave Mastiff made an appearance that things took a turn for the worse. German suplex after German suplex, the Englishman controlled the ring as he tossed the likes of Joe Coffey and Trent Seven around like ragdolls and eliminating both Solar and Soldato.

“The Italian Stallion” Massimo, another big powerhouse, was next in and he came face to face with Dave Mastiff. Before they could do anything major, they were interrupted by the music of the ninth man to enter as The Toal Family’s Lou King Sharp burst through the curtain accompanied by Prince Asad and Saqib Ali. LKS went straight for Mastiff and Massimo, which wasn’t the best choice he’s made in his career. After being shoved aside by the two, Your Mother’s Favourite Wrestler found himself being tossed over the top rope by Joe Coffey but he was caught by the crowd as they helped him back to the ring.

Sebastian’s time to shine came next, as he entered with the first of five weapons; his tag team partner, Tom Irvin. Sebastian used Irvin to take out the other participants, including catapulting him head-first into the groin of Trent Seven. Dickie Divers and Jimmy Havoc were the next to appear, with Havoc instantly nailing both Sebastian and Tom Irvin with a double Acid Rainmaker and clotheslining them over the ropes. Lou King Sharp went after The One Man Purge, but was tossed out for his troubles with his Toal Family partner Dickie Divers following him out courtesy of Trent Seven. WrestleZone regular and ICW debutant Scotty Swift entered at number 13, showing his hatred for the crowd as he entered, something not usually associated with The Red Haired Warrior up in Aberdeen.

Noam Dar came in shortly after, but was blindsided by Red Lightning and Jack Jester, before security escorted him backstage. As the action rolled on, “The Local Hero” Joe Hendry appeared with a rendition of Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’. Hendry made an immediate impact upon his arrival, dumping out the larger Sir Andrew Wilde. Mikey Whiplash was the sixteenth entrant, eliminating Dave Mastiff not long after coming in. As he was on the ring apron, he suplexed Trent Seven over the rope and on to the ramp to eliminate him. However, Whiplash was still in since he went through the ropes. The ring again started filling up, with Stevie Boy, Doug Williams, The Wee Man and Zero-G Champion Davey Boy coming in. Stevie Boy low blowed Scotty Swift before tossing him out, then realigned with Davey for a moment to deliver a 3C to Doug Williams.

One of the favourites entered at 21 as Wolfgang entered, eliminating Joe Hendry, Massimo and Lewis Girvan in quick succession. His New Age Kliq comrade Stevie Boy tossed out former manager The Wee Man as DCT entered with scoop slams for everybody. Jimmy Havoc delivered an Acid Rainmaker to Mikey Whiplash to knock them both off the apron and down to ringside. Michael Chase was number 23, followed by Timm Wylie with a lead pipe. Despite having a weapon, The 55 member found himself clotheslined out not long after entering by Joe Coffey. Wylie retaliated by reentering the ring and beating down on The Iron Man with his pipe, as Whiplash and Havoc were brawling up the ramp. BT Gunn, Jack Jester with his big metal toy and Red Lightning with a kendo stick were the next ones in as The Black Label and The New Age Kliq dominated the ring, with Michael Chase and DCT saying goodbye to their chances of winning the match.

ICW founder Mark Dallas entered alongside his usual crew of Chris Toal, Scott Reid and Sweeney with his trademark golf club in hand. Dallas saw what was waiting for him in the ring and so brought out his insurance policy; Big Damo. The Beast of Belfast cleared the path for Dallas to get his hands on Red Lightning. The Black Label’s leader soon got the advantage though, before being grabbed from the apron by Sweeney. As Dallas went to swing at Lightning with his golf club, a video appeared on the screens of Drew Galloway, a man who wasn’t in the building for the show. The distraction allowed Lightning to eliminate Dallas before being dumped out himself by Joe Coffey.

Mark Coffey and Lionheart made up the final two of the match, with Kenny Williams attacking Lionheart from behind with his hoverboard. As Lionheart got in the ring, he was instantly knocked out again by Joe Coffey. As Kenny and Lionheart took their brawl back through the curtain, Noam Dar returned with a steel chair in hand and tossed out Doug Williams and Stevie Boy, while BT Gunn eliminated Davey Boy. As Noam and BT tried to dump each other over the ropes, Mark Coffey snuck up behind them to eliminate the pair of them as we had our final four; Joe Coffey (#1), Wolfgang (#21), Jack Jester (#26) and Mark Coffey (#29). The Coffey Brothers teamed up against Wolfgang and Jester before Mark was tossed over the ropes by Wolfgang. This left Joe at a disadvantage, as he was beaten down by the other two entrants, seeing brief comebacks. As Jester went to use his metal toy, Wolfgang snatched it out of his hands and hit Jester in the head with it, allowing Joe to eliminate him. Wolfgang and Joe Coffey were the final two and had a slugfest before finally The Regulator shoved The Iron Man out of the ring to be declared the winner of the 2015 Square Go! Match. He celebrated with the rest of The New Age Kliq, including then-World Heavyweight Champion Chris Renfrew as the night came to an end.

Order of entry;
1. Joe Coffey
2. Lewis Girvan
3. Trent Seven
4. Sir Andrew Wilde
5. Solar
6. Soldato
7. Dave Mastiff
8. Massimo
9. Lou King Sharp w/Prince Asad & Saqib Ali
10. Sebastian with Tom Irvin as weapon #1
11. Dickie Divers
12. Jimmy Havoc
13. Scotty Swift
14. Noam Dar
15. Joe Hendry
16. Mikey Whiplash
17. Stevie Boy
18. Doug Williams
19. The Wee Man
20. Davey Boy
21. Wolfgang
22. DCT
23. Michael Chase
24. Timm Wylie with a lead pipe as weapon #2
25. BT Gunn
26. Jack Jester with his ‘big metal toy’ as weapon #3
27. Red Lightning with a kendo stick as weapon #4
28. Mark Dallas w/Chris Toal, Scott Reid & Sweeney with a golf club as weapon #5
29. Mark Coffey
30. Lionheart

Order of elimination;
1. Solar by Dave Mastiff
2. Soldato by Dave Mastiff
3. Sebastian by Jimmy Havoc
4. Lou King Sharp by Jimmy Havoc
5. Dickie Divers by Trent Seven
6. Sir Andrew Wilde by Joe Hendry
7. Dave Mastiff by Mikey Whiplash
8. Trent Seven by Mikey Whiplash
9. Scotty Swift by Stevie Boy
10. Massimo by Wolfgang
11. Joe Hendry by Wolfgang
12. Lewis Girvan by Wolfgang
13. The Wee Man by Stevie Boy
14. Mikey Whiplash by Jimmy Havoc
15. Jimmy Havoc by himself
16. Timm Wylie by Joe Coffey
17. Michael Chase by BT Gunn
18. DCT by Jack Jester
19. Mark Dallas by Red Lightning
20. Red Lightning by Joe Coffey
21. Lionheart by Joe Coffey
22. Doug Williams by Noam Dar
23. Stevie Boy by Noam Dar
24. Davey Boy by BT Gunn
25. BT Gunn by Mark Coffey
26. Noam Dar by Mark Coffey
27. Mark Coffey by Wolfgang
28. Jack Jester by Joe Coffey
29. Joe Coffey by Wolfgang

The entire show is available to watch for free on ICW On Demand.


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